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Articles Posted in BPD and Divorce

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The podcast below is one of the best opportunities to get a summary from Dr. Amy Baker about her work with Parental Alienation, and her efforts to mentor parents affected by Parental Alienation.

A large part of my practice involves complex and high conflict divorce and custody cases. Many of these involve one parent affected by a personality disorder, which can then involve active and damaging alienation of the non-disordered parent’s relationship with their children.

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Law Offices of Michael F. Roe manages a number of cases where traits of toxic narcissism are involved. These personality traits can cause a lot of suffering in a marriage and eventual divorce, and the suffering is compounded when children are involved. One simple distinction needs to be made: what is the difference between narcissism and high self esteem?

A recent psychological study explains the crucial difference between being a narcissist and having high self-esteem. Although narcissists feel superior to others they do not necessarily feel that good about themselves.  In contrast, people with high self-esteem naturally feel good about themselves but do not feel superior to others.

The difference is highlighted in a new paper which shows how narcissism and high self-esteem diverge.

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I found this post today on a BPD support blog, and it mentions Bill Eddy’s landmark book on Divorce and BPD/NPD, Splitting. The gentleman writing in to the blog is experiencing the surreal and chaotic behaviors of a spouse conducting a distortion campaign against him. His questions may have some resonance with some of you.


” I bought William Eddy’s book on divorces and have read most of it.

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Marriage and Family Therapist Holly Brown has written a spot on article about identifying and avoiding a long term relationship with a narcissist. If you are in a marriage with a narcissist, and need counsel as to how to end a marriage that is causing you and the children emotional suffering, contact our offices. Michael Roe is one of the country’s leading lawyer specialists on personality disorders and divorce. In the meantime, here are the signs of the narcissistic personality to be aware of:

How to Spot a Narcissist By Holly Brown, LMFT

A lot of people assume narcissists are easy to spot, that they talk obsessively about themselves, for example, or never seem to care what you have to say. Those are the obvious narcissists. This post is about the charming narcissists who can fly under the radar until you feel like you’re in too deep to get out.

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What Therapists Don’t Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality

Therapists are trained to help clients become self-aware and authentic. For people who grew up in invalidating environments, where they learned to suppress their feelings and needs in order to be accepted, therapy can be life-altering.

Competent therapists who provide a corrective emotional experience can make it possible for people who never had a voice to find one. Once self-actualized, people generally find the quality of their lives improve: they find the right career, attract the right mate and extricate themselves from toxic relationships.

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Falling in love with a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is an emotional roller coaster ride. The relationship involves never-ending emotional blackmails, hurtful criticisms, threats, manipulations, verbal attacks and silent treatments. Borderlines are known to call you at work more than 20 times in a day. Borderlines need constant reassurance. Borderlines feel the need to check up on you all the time. Borderlines also wake you up in the middle of the night because of their concerns.

How can you continue to love a person who will give you the responsibility for anything and everything bad that happens to them? You are accused as the source of all their pains, heartbreaks, anger, frustrations and hardships? The Borderline will emotionally wear you out by their insults and accusations.

Borderlines have a problem with regulating their emotions. They feel real pain and fear of abandonment.

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How to Recover from an Affair Involving Borderline Personality Disorder

By Tommy (

The feeling of pain and betrayal that an affair causes is something I would wish on almost no one, but when you add in the addition of borderline personality disorder it throws in a whole new set of variables. Our particular story is one that has a lot of mitigating circumstances, but that makes it no less painful to go through. In June of 2011 I lost my wife (at least that is what it felt like). June, 2011; I checked my wife into Prairie St. John’s facility in Fargo, ND for depression and manic behavior. She went into the facility a loving wife, devoted mother and successful business owner. She spent the first night there crying asking to be sent home to her family. She was met with doctors telling her that if she did not stop crying, asking to go home and start taking all the medicine they had for her that they would hold her indefinitely.

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I highly recommend the following book by my colleague and author of Splitting (1st Ed). I wrote the foreword to Bill’s first BPD and Divorce book, and have followed the great work he is doing in the High Conflict Personalities training area. Bill is a former clinician, who turned to the practice of family law in San Diego where he developed his cutting edge perspectives on divorce and high conflict personalities.

BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

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I reviewed this video very recently and was impressed with the quality and depth of it. Some of the leading clinicians in the area of BPD are present in this video, along with personal stories from some very courageous people.

In my divorce and custody practice, there is a focus on custody issues when one of the parents has traits of BPD. Some of these traits are discussed in this video. It is very important that when involved in a custody case with BPD, that the safety of the children is paramount, but that the parents in these cases be viewed with understanding and compassion, as well. Decisions about the custody and visitation of the children must be made through the lens of both the courts and knowledgeable clinicians. If you have questions in this area of divorce and custody, please contact my office for an informed initial consultation.



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