ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

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The Illinois Domestic Violence Act is an important part of family law. The Act is designed to provide abused family members and their children with an expedited and safe means to obtain necessary legal protection from continued abuse or harassment.

My first work in the law was as a domestic violence prosecutor, and I appreciated how the law strove to provide protection for abused parents and their children, and criminal sanctions for the abusers.

In divorce and custody practice in Illinois, however, I have all too often seen the IDVA misused as a “sword” to undercut another parent in a custody case, rather than as a proper “shield” against abuse. In the space of one week , I helped a deserving parent obtain emergency relief and a change of custody, and thereby protect young children from a chaotic, abusive environment, and then, within about a day’s time, on behalf of my client I successfully blocked an opposing party from litigating an EOP based on false, fabricated claims. Two IDVA cases, with two very different applications.

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If you are a single parent, or a parent involved in a pre-divorce or a divorce process, consider spending some time with www.singlefather.org, the home site for Responsible Single Fathers. I was one of the original directors for this organization, at the invitation of Vince Regan, who created and was the driving force behind, RSF.

Today, David Cisco directs RSF, and the site has a significant amount of information for single and newly divorced Fathers. The site has a forum where single Dads share information and legal topics. Here is a summary of the original mission of RSF:

“The development of Responsible Single Fathers allows fathers the ability seek support from others through one of four message boards at the site. We expect this forum alone will serve thousands of U.S. Fathers as they adjust to living the single life, while still loving, nurturing, and supporting their children.” Regan continued, “Another section of the site allows experienced single fathers to share their tips with others by submitting their own single father articles for publication on the site. The world is full of experts on a number of subjects, but single fathers who have lived through the turmoil of divorce and the resulting conflicts have a wealth of positive information to share with fathers who are just beginning down that same road.”

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Much of my work focus around complex and sometimes high conflict custody cases involving Borderline personalities, and other psychological disorders. With BPD custody cases, and many other cases, there are elements of the narcissistic personality. What characteristics define a narcisisist? A recent article, “Beware the Narcissist; Know the Signs,” by Heidi Stevens (McClatchy) offers a solid description:

“Narcissism is an epidemic in our society,” argues LIsa Scott, author of It’s All About Him: How to Identify and Avoid the Narcissist Male Before You Get Hurt (CFI, 2009). “Our culture breeds it.”

While it’s one thing to watch reality show contestants bask in their own glory for the sake of finding love, it’s another to find yourself dating such a character — man or woman.

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I have spent a good part of my legal career working in the area of divorce and custody in the context of a parent with suspected or diagnosed BPD and NPD traits. Borderline personalities in divorce cases make for higher conflict cases, and when the cases involve the custody of children, many times there are elements of domestic violence, false allegations of domestic violence or sexual abuse, distortion campaigns, and parental alienation. I was fortunate to write the foreword to, and help edit, Bill Eddy’s landmark book on divorcing a borderline or narcissist, Splitting.

Today I saw a reference to a recent Time Magazine article on BPD. “The Mystery of Borderline Personality Disorder,” by John Cloud.

“A 2008 study of nearly 35,000 adults in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry found that 5.9% – which would translate into 18 million Americans – had been given a BPD diagnosis. As recently as 2000, the American Psychiatric Association believed that only 2% had BPD. (In contrast, clinicians diagnose bipolar disorder and schizophrenia in about 1% of the population.) BPD has long been regarded as an illness disproportionately affecting women, but the latest research shows no difference in prevalence rates for men and women. Regardless of gender, people in their 20s are at higher risk for BPD than those older or younger.

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Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog and Law Offices of Michael F. Roe is pleased to have been announced as a Top Divorce/Family Law Blog for 2009-2010 by Attorney.org. In addition to featuring breaking legal news, Attorney.org profiles different organizations and associations around the country to promote awareness and bring well deserved recognition to different causes.

I enjoy writing for my Firm’s blog, presenting cutting edge issues and developments in Illinois Divorce, Custody, and Family Law. I will continue to do my best to illuminate important issues in Illinois Divorce law, and share with my clients and followers of the Blog insightful information that affects divorcing families.

Issues concerning parental alienation, high conflict divorce, psychological issues in custody cases, collaborative and cooperative divorce, and trends toward shared parenting will be just a few of the subjects that I plan to focus on for 2010.

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I talked recently with one of the clerks of the court in the west suburbs about the number of new divorce filings in Kane and DuPage Counties. I was told that the number of filings is slightly behind 2009 numbers, but that the number of people filing and representing themselves, without an attorney, has risen fourfold.

Now, I’m a believer and proponent of encouraging people to handle matters that they can handle themselves. I recently advised someone who called me that her DuPage child support case could be handled, pro se, at the pro se night court that DuPage has instituted, as a means of helping people get simple adjustments to child support without having to hire a lawyer.

I also feel that divorce and custody cases are often challenging for the litigants, emotionally charged, and complex. The issues presented in these cases really need an experienced attorney, much like the old saw about doing one’s own dentistry.

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Through the years, I have been involved with divorce and custody cases that involved elements of unhealthy narcissism. My friend and colleague Billy Eddy’s book, Splitting speaks in detail of the difficulties dealing with litigants with NPD and BPD. I am often consulted on cases involving BPD and NPD in custody cases.

Psychologists are fascinated by narcissists, both why they are attractive to healthy partners despite on some level recognizing their dysfunction, and because they embody so many paradoxes. Extreme narcissists inevitably reveal their true nature to those around them and are eventually rejected. So why don’t healthy people (and the narcissists) learn?

The charming narcissist:

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Now that 2010 has arrived people who have been considering filing for divorce are starting to take action. Once the decision is made to file for divorce, an important decision must also be made as to how the divorce will be conducted.

Are you looking for a high cost, high conflict divorce? Well, these kinds of divorces are easy to engineer. They require anger, retribution, and a desire to burn through money without regard to future consequences.

Are you looking for a better, less costly, lower stress collaborative experience? Then consider an initial consultation with my office to discuss my approach to cooperative divorce and collaborative practice.

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Taking Daughter To Church May Violate Court Order Dad Says Half-Jewish Child Should Be Exposed To Christianity, Too by Chicago Tribune Reporter Mike Puccinell at http://bit.ly/8CLYdi

A compelling story about a Father and his child has appeared in Illinois media this week. The story concerns a Christian Dad who is in a high conflict divorce and custody case with his Jewish wife.

“I have been ordered by a judge not to expose my daughter to anything non-Judaism,” Joseph Reyes said. “But I am taking her to hear the teachings of perhaps the most prominent Jewish Rabbi in the history of this great planet of ours. I can’t think of anything more Jewish than that.”

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Some of my clients are aware that the funds provided for initial consultations with my firm go into a nonprofit foundation account (www.karunainstitute.org) for the benefit of a children’s orphanage in Ukraine, among other causes. I am presently coordinating with Life2Orphans.org on an Odessa, Ukraine orphanage project to assist children in the orphanage with HIV.

I saw today, via Twitter, an article that was both inspirational and educational. Aside from helping kids affected by MTCT HIV, it is helpful to understand that with modern care, these kids can be as healthy and “adoptable” as any child, and they deserve a better life than that afforded by the detski dom. Here is the article:

Who Could Possibly Want HIV+ Children?

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