Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog

If you are a single parent, or a parent involved in a pre-divorce or a divorce process, consider spending some time with www.singlefather.org, the home site for Responsible Single Fathers. I was one of the original directors for this organization, at the invitation of Vince Regan, who created and was the driving force behind, RSF.

Today, David Cisco directs RSF, and the site has a significant amount of information for single and newly divorced Fathers. The site has a forum where single Dads share information and legal topics. Here is a summary of the original mission of RSF:

"The development of Responsible Single Fathers allows fathers the ability seek support from others through one of four message boards at the site. We expect this forum alone will serve thousands of U.S. Fathers as they adjust to living the single life, while still loving, nurturing, and supporting their children." Regan continued, "Another section of the site allows experienced single fathers to share their tips with others by submitting their own single father articles for publication on the site. The world is full of experts on a number of subjects, but single fathers who have lived through the turmoil of divorce and the resulting conflicts have a wealth of positive information to share with fathers who are just beginning down that same road."

Responsible Single Fathers has always been about supporting single parents and their beloved children; it is not a classic "father's rights" site. The site is positive and supportive; there's no bashing or negativity. I am proud for the small part that I played at the beginning of RSF, and more proud today of what David and all of the participating Fathers are doing in support of Dads, all Parents, and their Kids.

I found this article via Twitter. It highlights the life of a Malaysian man who shares his life experience after being legally separated from his wife and kids.

Saturday, July 18, 2009
Is there life after divorce? Depends...

A subject that not many would want to dwell upon but which is a sad reality affecting many all around the world.

In today's materialistic world, many couples live a strained life devoid of true love and compassion.As a result, domestic squabble and violence takes place almost daily in the life's of couples who got married not due to love but circumstances.

A marriage of convenience. A marriage born out of pity. A marriage due to forced pregnancies. A marriage that is arranged. A marriage to strengthen family or business ties.All kinds of marriages take place today and when such marriages turn sour, the ones who suffer most are the children from such hasty unions.

When we speak about divorce, many suffering spouses fear to cross that line because they have become so dependent on their beaus to such a stage that they can't imagine living life all alone?

Some spouses abuse their partners so much that they resort to physical abuse such as assault and battery. Some drive their partners nuts to such an extent that the suffering victims border on the verge of a mental breakdown and turn insane! I myself lived through such a marriage before and I confess to almost losing my mind myself due to the tremendous pressure and mental agony that only those who are in similar situations can imagine how it feels to live a life full of delusions and false pretenses.

In our Asian society, suffering couples often put up a show that all's well when in reality raging tempests drive them nuts within the walls of their homes.

When I divorced, custody of my two children, a son and a daughter went to their mother. I also surrendered whatever little property I had to them and started a new life from scratch. I came to KL with just a given shirt on my back.

For almost a year, my tears would stream down my cheeks whenever I saw children who resembled my own. I yearned for them and missed them like hell.I was not allowed to speak to them and lost all contact with them. I only got to see my daughter when we attended the funeral of my niece who passed away due to a doctor's botched prescription for her health condition.

Continue reading "Life after Divorce for a Malaysian Man: Do you feel a common bond? " »

A quick story about a Father's dedication to one of his children.

I visit a Starbucks in town, and one of the baristos is a very friendly, intelligent gentleman that I've chatted with while buying my usual grande coffee over the years. Turns out he's Dad to a young man who suffered a traumatic brain injury some years ago in a motor vehicle collision. The boy's brain was badly damaged, and only this year has the young man recovered enough to resume active life, and even attend college. The early days of the injury were, to say the least, catastrophic and frightening. Only through Marionjoy and days and weeks of this Dad's caregiving and love and dedication did this young man pull out of his injury far enough to allow the brain to heal, and allow him to attend school on a part time basis.

I think with compassion of the Dads who work hard and struggle to pay child support. I think without fondness of those biofathers that hide, and avoid work, refusing to support their children. I think without fondness of parents who really don't want to put the effort into parenting their children.

And then I think of Dean, who defines what the word "hero" means. His heroic support, love, and caregiving to his son has allowed this young man to recover. They don't give out combat medals to Dads like Dean, but if they did, he'd receive a Purple Heart for the blood, sweat, and tears he's lost over the last years, as well as a Silver Star for bravery and dedication to his son's recovery.

There are hero Dads among us. Just stop in this Starbucks, and meet a veteran of a war to rehabilitate a child with a TBI.