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Life after Divorce for a Malaysian Man: Do you feel a common bond?

I found this article via Twitter. It highlights the life of a Malaysian man who shares his life experience after being legally separated from his wife and kids.

Saturday, July 18, 2009 Is there life after divorce? Depends…

A subject that not many would want to dwell upon but which is a sad reality affecting many all around the world.

In today’s materialistic world, many couples live a strained life devoid of true love and compassion.As a result, domestic squabble and violence takes place almost daily in the life’s of couples who got married not due to love but circumstances.

A marriage of convenience. A marriage born out of pity. A marriage due to forced pregnancies. A marriage that is arranged. A marriage to strengthen family or business ties.All kinds of marriages take place today and when such marriages turn sour, the ones who suffer most are the children from such hasty unions.

When we speak about divorce, many suffering spouses fear to cross that line because they have become so dependent on their beaus to such a stage that they can’t imagine living life all alone?

Some spouses abuse their partners so much that they resort to physical abuse such as assault and battery. Some drive their partners nuts to such an extent that the suffering victims border on the verge of a mental breakdown and turn insane! I myself lived through such a marriage before and I confess to almost losing my mind myself due to the tremendous pressure and mental agony that only those who are in similar situations can imagine how it feels to live a life full of delusions and false pretenses.

In our Asian society, suffering couples often put up a show that all’s well when in reality raging tempests drive them nuts within the walls of their homes.

When I divorced, custody of my two children, a son and a daughter went to their mother. I also surrendered whatever little property I had to them and started a new life from scratch. I came to KL with just a given shirt on my back.

For almost a year, my tears would stream down my cheeks whenever I saw children who resembled my own. I yearned for them and missed them like hell.I was not allowed to speak to them and lost all contact with them. I only got to see my daughter when we attended the funeral of my niece who passed away due to a doctor’s botched prescription for her health condition.

I do not wish to dwell too much on all that has happened since then but now my kids are all grown up yet they do not bother to contact me even when my number has been published so prominently on my blog. What an irony when in reality there are so many out there who communicate with me online asking me to accept them as my foster sons or daughters.

I am blessed to have met my match in my wife now who has been a pillar of support, love and care beyond words. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala bless and reward her always. I can’t do much to change things but my prayers have always been for the safety and well being of my flesh and blood.

Sometimes I come across cyber friends and contacts who confess to me of the abuse that they are going through at the hands of their husbands or even wives.Same question arises.

Is there life after divorce? Depends. Whether you have it in you to reestablish your life once again.

Learn not to repeat the same mistakes and avoid falling into the same old traps and quagmires out there.

I can only say a silent prayer that the rest of my life will be a blessed one as I am currently living in.We can’t change yesterday but God willing we can make a change tomorrow.

Get real and decide as to whether you want to suffer in silence for the rest of your life or start life anew with a better more understanding and loving spouse.

Insya Allah.

As for the children of divorced parents, there are some things they would never understand for they were not in the shoes of their parents.

Irreconcilable differences are better settled through divorce than put the entire family at mortal danger for the threat of violence that might just ensue when a party is pushed to the limits and might just react and retaliate in a way that might just be harmful for everyone concerned.

Don’t blame one parent for the faults of another when things take place without any signs or warnings.

I for one just hope that my kids will be safe from harm and for them to learn to stand on their own two feet now that they are all grown up. They ought to know better as to how to conduct themselves and be responsible for their actions.

May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala bless and protect us all. Ameen.

by: Zainol Abideen Kuala Lumpur, WP KL, Malaysia

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