Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog

I talked recently with one of the clerks of the court in the west suburbs about the number of new divorce filings in Kane and DuPage Counties. I was told that the number of filings is slightly behind 2009 numbers, but that the number of people filing and representing themselves, without an attorney, has risen fourfold.

Now, I'm a believer and proponent of encouraging people to handle matters that they can handle themselves. I recently advised someone who called me that her DuPage child support case could be handled, pro se, at the pro se night court that DuPage has instituted, as a means of helping people get simple adjustments to child support without having to hire a lawyer.

I also feel that divorce and custody cases are often challenging for the litigants, emotionally charged, and complex. The issues presented in these cases really need an experienced attorney, much like the old saw about doing one's own dentistry.

Cathy Meyer, of About.com, writes:

"Before you take on the job of representing yourself in your divorce case consider the legal aspects, not only the emotional aspects of the divorce. If you are not able to keep the two separated, it is best to hire a divorce attorney. Issues such as dividing marital property, deciding child custody, negotiating alimony and determining child support can have long-lasting, negative consequences if not handled properly.

You have the right to represent yourself, to be a Pro Se litigant but, the divorce process can be complex and I highly encourage anyone who can afford representation to seek it, if at all possible."

The Law Offices of Michael F. Roe practices collaborative and cooperative divorce, two lower cost, efficient, low stress divorce models that keep the divorcing couple out of court, and keep money in the parties' pockets, and difficult emotions in check.

Call my office today to learn more about lower cost, lower stress divorce, and reconsider whether a pro se divorce is right for you and your family.

One of my valued clients, who happens to be an engineer by training and otherwise an interesting and dynamic person, made a comment at court today. She had been watching other cases taking place at the courthouse, and marveled at the amount of controversy over objectively small issues. She stated to me and a colleague that "I simply won't come to court unless the issue in dispute is over a substantial amount of money."

Now, my colleague and I have both worked hard to keep court costs for clients as low as possible; both of us practice this cost effective way. We both agreed that it pains us as legal professionals to see people exhaust precious family funds on wrongheaded legal disputes.

What my client was speaking to was this universal concern that litigants should be mindful of the costs of litigation, and that many disputes are amenable to resolution without the costs, uncertainties, and stresses of litigation. This same philosophy of cost saving and collaboration underlies the movement toward collaborative and cooperative divorce.

If you have a family law concern, be ready to embrace the cutting edge strategies that a few of us in the legal profession have embraced in the right cases. Collaboration. Mediation. Alternative dispute resolution. Sure, some cases need to be aggressively litigated, and some matters need a judge's active intervention. I am a trial lawyer by training, and know how to win a war. But many other cases and clients need only to find a more balanced, cost effective and practical means to solve their more minor or resolvable disputes.

What did Abraham Lincoln once say? "Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough."

Part of practicing family law involves, at least in my opinion, a measure of compassion for and understanding of each client's family system, and the family system and financial changes that a divorce will visit upon a family. Each family is different; each case is also unique. My firm applies creative approaches to each case, with a goal of shaping outcomes that are best for the client and the family as a whole.

In helping families adapt to the changes that a conflicted divorce brings, there are resources available that can provide a measure of comfort and coaching.

Rosalind Sedacca's 'How Do I Tell the Kids about the DIVORCE?' is a thoughtful template for parents looking for coaching in how to help their children manage the change that divorce brings to a family. Even if you don’t purchase her guidebook, http://www.howdoitellthekids.com, you need to make sure you share these essential messages with your kids again and again so that they never forget:

1. You are, and always will be, loved by Mom and Dad.

2. You are, and will continue to be, safe.

3. You are not to blame for any of this.

4. Mom and Dad will still always be your Mom and Dad.

5. This is about change, not about blame

6. Everything is going to be okay.