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More and more, people in their 50’s and 60’s are recognizing that their marriage has broken down, the children are raised, and they are seeking a legal separation or divorce. In these cases, there are often retirement assets that need to be divided, and other assets, like a home, that need to be valued and the equity determined.  As many American are living into their 80’s and 90’s, many adults find that the want to re-engineer their last trimester of life and find a measure if independence and happiness. Jennifer Thompson wrote an essay that might be helpful to those considering divorce later in life. While written with a female reader in mind, the advice is sound and applies to both men and women in some respects.  From her bio: ” Jennifer Thompson was a financial advisor for over 20 years. Now, as an author and international speaker, she teaches women the techniques to develop a consciousness for abundance for a more compelling life. ”

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7 CONSIDERATIONS WHEN GETTING A DIVORCE LATER IN LIFE?

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As the year 2020 comes to an end and a new year begins, it is always helpful to remember what approaches are helpful and uplifting when dealing with a stressful and difficult court case involving children, such as a parental alienation case or a child custody modification case.  One of my clients this week reached out to both myself and an excellent clinician that is supporting the case with a concern that her/his children are just so damaged, and so unruly in his time spent with them. Seeing the kids acting out, and suffering, causes my client to suffer, too.  Very positive steps are being accomplished in the case, and the clinical support has been excellent, but it’s still tough on parents that have to experience their kids in distress in the midst of parental conflict and the damage of an alienation campaign.  The following excerpt is excellent, and focuses on the need for parents to maintain a positive psychology in the midst of these court cases.

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Sharon Stines, PsyD: No matter what is going on in your personal life, particularly with regards to the challenges you are facing with your co-parent and children, it can help to avoid expending all of your energy focusing on what doesn’t work. Maintaining a positive attitude can be difficult, but try to practice gratitude by waking up each morning and welcoming the day. Notice the good things you do have and keep in mind the things in life you are thankful for, instead of focusing on the negative.

Another helpful practice is demonstrating resilience and confidence each day to your children. You do this by living these values, by genuinely showing your children your strength and love for them. Children may naturally gravitate toward strength. If you can show yourself and your children unwavering and positive strength through the process of living well, you may be able to minimize any damage caused by the other parent. This may, in fact, be one of the most important things you do for your children in the long run.

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In divorce and coparenting, not only do parents need to deal with their own emotions, they may be faced with a daily barrages of hostile calls, texts, social media blasts, and/or emails. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids?

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Characteristics of Narcissists in Divorce

1. He or she is in it to win it.

Even though there aren’t real “winners” in divorce—with luck, there’s some equitable splitting of responsibilities and assets—that’s not the narcissist’s point of view. He or she is likely to see himself or herself as a victim, regardless of the facts, and has no intention of meeting in the middle.

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The coronavirus crisis, paradoxically, may be an opportunity to find new sources of meaning. Psychological research on past financial disasters may offer guidance on how people will respond to the sudden economic calamity caused by the coronavirus pandemic.

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The COVID-19 crisis has shuttered businesses and led to massive numbers of layoffs nearly overnight. As of April 2, Americans filed a record-breaking 6.6 million unemployment claims in one week, according to the Department of Labor (PDF, 743KB)

The U.S. Federal Reserve estimated that 47 million people might lose their jobs in the second quarter of 2020, translating to a 32.1% unemployment rate. That would far overshoot the peak unemployment rate of the Great Recession (10% in October 2009, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics) and even of the Great Depression (24.9% in 1933).Despite differences between this economic crisis and previous recessions, psychological research can provide some insight into the behavioral and mental health impacts of financial loss. Key findings include:

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What is Parental Alienation?

Bernet et al (2010) considers a primary feature of parental alienation where a child whose parents are engaged in a high conflict divorce or separation allies himself or herself strongly with one parent while rejecting the relationship with the other previously loved parent without legitimate justification.

Parental Alienation

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A quick note to discuss the art and science of managing complex divorce and post-decree cases for my clients.

For me, it is a privilege to represent men and women facing some of the most challenging life changes and decisions, whether they are facing a new divorce filing, or dealing with the aftermath of a divorce (often when the predecree case was handled by another attorney) and problems or issues arise that weren’t managed well in the predecree phase.

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Doing this work well for my valued Clients requires experience, insight into the best outcomes and solutions, as well as a passion for the craft of managing family law cases.  I feel that it is critical that to be successful in this work, a lawyer must approach this profession with a strong measure of empathy and passion; the ability to truly diagnose the problems that the case presents, and to provide creative, insightful and positive outcomes for the Client and their children.

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Hey, I made #39!
I received an email today from Anuj at Feedspot that Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog made the “Top 75 Illinois Blogs, News Websites & Newsletters To Follow in 2018”
About Blog: ” Divorce blogger and attorney Michael Roe is experienced in dealing with high-conflict divorce and child custody cases involving psychological disorders. With his divorce blog, He wants to simplify divorce processes and make life better for parties going through a divorce “
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I have touched on this subject before in some of my posts, but the theme does bear repeating. One of the pleasures of my work and mission to help people in toxic situations is that most all of my clients in marriages with NPDs or BPDs are very good people, Often, they are empathic, and caring, and are always wonderful people and parents to their children. Yet, they have suffered with emotional abuse for years and sometimes physcial abuse from the NPD/BPD spouse. My work has allowed me to be of service and help to parents and kids caught in a relationship with a toxic personality.  Contact my office if the themes here resonate with you and you are looking for a way to create an intervention, and a new life free from a history of abuse and suffering.

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An article today caught my attention, and it may be useful for readers caught in these relationships and needing a skillful plan in order to manage a divorce from a narcissist or someone with toxic and angry borderline traits.

These 10 things happen when a narcissist ends up in a relationship with an empath…

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