Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog

You’ve probably heard horror stories from friends and acquaintances who’ve had expensive, ugly divorces, right? Maybe you’ve also heard from some who feel better about the process because they didn’t go the slash-and-burn route, but used divorce mediation instead.

Divorce mediation is a process in which a neutral third person, called a mediator, sits down for a series of meetings with a divorcing couple to help them reach an agreement about things like property, custody, and support. Most couples arrive at agreements they can live with—which means they don’t have to fight it out in court. Mediation offers many advantages over court battles.

Unless you’re one of those fortunate few divorcing people who can negotiate directly with your spouse with a minimum of acrimony to come to an agreement about dividing property and parenting your children, divorce mediation may be a great option for you.

Generally, mediation is voluntary, although Illinois courts will require you to go to mediation if you can’t agree about child custody. You can go to mediation at any point in your divorce, even if you’ve already hired lawyers. Divorce mediation has an extremely high success rate—the vast majority of cases that go to mediation get settled there.

To find out more about mediation and how to get through a divorce amicably, try reading Divorce Without Court: A Guide to Mediation & Collaborative Divorce, by Attorney-Mediator Katherine E. Stoner (Nolo).

I receive a fair numer of calls from individuals looking for a lower cost, lower stress means of pursuing their divorce. Some people report that they want mediation, and describe for me what sounds like Collaborative or Cooperative divorce, and vice versa. Despite the sometimes confusion, one point is clear: people are looking for a better path to take that the traditional bitterly litigated divorce. While mediation is helpful, and favored by Illinois judges, Collaborative and Cooperative divorce practice presents some advantages

Mediation and collaborative practice are two very different practices, but they both have at heart the same sensibility: resolving difficult family disputes in a lower conflict manner. The Oklahoma Family Law Blog highlighted these practices in a recent post, on which I have summarized and commented further:

In mediation, there is one 'neutral' who helps the disputing parties try to settle their case. The mediator cannot give either party legal advice, and cannot help either side advocate its position. If one side or the other becomes unreasonable or stubborn, or lacks negotiating skill, or is emotionally distraught, the mediation can become unbalanced. A well trained mediator can try to help bring the parties back to the center, and facilitate resolution of disputes that the parties view as unresolvable. However, some mediations end without a resolution, and the parties return to court with no perceived options left but litigation.

Collaborative Law was designed to deal more effectively with all these problems of unresolvable impasse, while maintaining the same absolute commitment to settlement as the sole agenda. Each side has quality legal advice and advocacy built in at all times during the process. Even if one side or the other lacks negotiating skill or financial understanding, or is emotionally upset or angry, the playing field is leveled by the presence of the skilled advocates. It is the job of the lawyers to work with their own clients if the clients are being unreasonable, to make sure that the process stays positive and productive.

Collaborative and Cooperative Divorce practice are really processes, in which the parties and the attorneys are fully and mutually engaged, together. There is guidance, advocacy, and negotiation, all in a respectful and non-litigious environment. Is this a better path? Absolutely, for many individuals seeking a lower conflict, lower cost divorce.

Of my clients that smartly utilize the collaborative or cooperative model of divorce (ie low conflict) I usually don't see a need for therapy or transition counseling during a divorce. Some of my clients do benefit, however, from contact with an experienced therpaist skilled in divorce, family conflict, and co-parenting counseling.

Divorce can be an isolating. Divorce is change. Divorce is transition. Divorce can be anxiety-producing, even frightening. My office neighbor, Rhonda Kelloway, LCSW, speaks of the role of a therapist as a "professional, caring companion through this difficult stage in your life journey." Rhonda speaks of goal setting and charting a course to help her clients reach the goals that they desire for themselves for the future. "My goal," Rhonda says, "is to help you get back to your best life as quickly as possible." I like this approach, and have always felt that my clients in the difficult transition of divorce have benefited from counseling.

Rhonda Kelloway can be reached at 630-569-0822.

There has been a lot of recent attention and requests for the non-court collaborative divorce from some very smart and informed people in DuPage, DeKalb and Kane counties recently. What are the benefits to a collaborative model? Read some of the reasons below:

Lower Cost
The collaborative process is generally less costly and time-consuming than litigation.

Client Involvement
The client is a vital part of the settlement team and have a greater sense of involvement in the decision making which affects their lives.

Supportive Approach
Each client is supported by their lawyer and coach in a manner that still allows the attorneys to work collaboratively with one another in resolving issues.

Less Stress
The process is much less fear and anxiety producing than utilizing Court proceedings or the threat of such proceedings. Everyone can focus on settlement without the imminent threat of 'going to Court'.

Win-Win Climate
The Collaborative process creates a positive climate that produces a more satisfactory outcome for both parties. The possibility actually exists for participants to create a climate that facilitates 'win-win' settlements.

Speed
The speed of the collaborative process is governed by the parties rather than court calendars.

Creativity
The collaborative process encourages creative solutions in resolving issues.

Clients in Charge
The non-adversarial nature of the collaborative process shifts decision making into the hands of the clients where it belongs, rather than into the hands of a third party (the court).

SOURCE: Collaborative Law Institute of Georgia

Many divorces take too long and cost too much. Isn't this the lament of so many people...the divorce dragged on, the lawyers fought over everything, the court status hearings were much ado about nothing?

For divorcing couples, one way to achieve a divorce without the acrimony, the time, and the cost is the collaborative divorce. The Law Offices of Michael F. Roe practices and recommends collaborative divorce. What is collaborative divorce?

Continue reading "DuPage and Kane County Collaborative Divorce" »