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The Law Offices of Michael F. Roe is pleased to provide the new logo for Michael Roe’s association dedicated to advocating for a shared parenting statute in Illinois:

Psychologists familiar with child custody issues generally agree that children, and the parents, do much better long term after divorce when the parents and kids share a balanced parenting plan. This preference among clinicians assumes that both parents are fit and proper parents to have the joint and shared custody of the children.

Illinois is still a “winner-loser” state in child custody matters. Fathers, many times, lose out on a healthy parenting plan, post-divorce. Some of our neighboring states, Iowa for example, have embraced a statutory (legal) preference for shared parenting in divorce. Establishing shared parenting as a legal preference would go a long way, I believe, toward taking the competition and bitterness out of divorce cases with custody issues.

I and others are doing some research into the phenomenon of parental alienation, and the onset of PAS in children as a result of a campaign of denigration and alienation by one parent against the ” target=”_ parent. I found a video program below that you might find interesting.
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BPD is a devastating disorder-both for the person who has it and their family members. Partners often find themselves becoming isolated, losing both family and friends to the craziness and jealousy that sometimes comes with living with a BP partner.

The Effects of Isolation
Isolation is an extremely powerful weapon. It can be used to break people down, causing them to lose hope, self-esteem, and even their individuality. It is effective and swift.
It very unlikely that your partner is consciously using isolation as a tool to get what they need. But it doesn’t matter. It works just the same.
Following are some questions to help you determine if you have become isolated:

· If so, is it because your partner insisted you stop visiting others, was jealous of other friends, or made threats?
· Would you be embarrassed if people knew about your private life?
· Are there absurd “rules” you must follow that you would never tell anyone? For example, one BP was furious at her husband because of the way he chewed. So for the next 15 years of the marriage, he ate in the kitchen. His children thought all fathers ate in the kitchen and were surprised to learn it was different at their friends’ houses.
· Have you made large sacrifices for your partner that have taken you away from friends and family for a long time? For three years, one husband worked two jobs and took care of their three children by himself to avoid “stressing” his BPD wife. Yet at a group therapy session, she angrily claimed he had done “nothing” to support her in years.
· Do you feel so responsible for your partner that you avoid leaving the house?
· When was the last time you made a new friend, took a class, went to a movie your partner didn’t want to see, or took a day trip out of town?
· If you’re on the phone when your partner comes home, do you quickly hang up to avoid answering questions about the call?
· Do you avoid contact with members of the opposite sex when you’re with your partner so you won’t be accused of wanting to have an affair?

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Technology has improved many aspects of divorce practice and helping families adjust to parenting in two separate households. One example that I think of immediately is the use of ‘virtual visitation,” that is, using high speed internet connections to permit video and audio contact with low conflict parents not able to visit in person with their children. This type of visitation is appropriate in very low conflict divorces with parents that actively support the other parent’s active parenting, and in cases where the nonresidential parent lives a great distance from the children, and is otherwise unable to “visit” the kids consistently in person.

Technology has now come to the Coping and Caring” classes required of divorcing parents in DuPage County, according to the DuPage Family Center:

The Caring, Coping and Children Co-Parenting class is now available online!
Your clients will now have the option to take the course over the internet or in person. Both options have been approved by the 18th Judicial Circuit and meet the State requirements for parenting education in divorce cases.
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Child support is an important feature of divorce and parentage actions. The primary residential parents needs the financial support from the non-residential parent. The non-residential parent typically pays 20% of net income for one child, 28% for two children, 32% for three, and so on.

Often, the party paying statutory child support suffers a change of work circumstances..he or she is fired, laid off, or suffers an illness or injury that causes them to lose work. Paying on a support order then becomes impossible.

When a party paying on an order of support suffers a change in circumstances that he or she did not cause, the payor party must then file a petition to abate (interrupt) or modify the prior support order. Support orders are like runaway trains..they just keep on moving unless stopped, and it’s not enough to lose your job and hope to come to court a year later to expalin why you couldn’t pay support. The court will require that the unpaid support be paid back, even though your job loss was not your fault.

In Blisset v. Blisset, 123 Ill.3d 161, 526 N.E.2d 125 (Ill., 1998), the parties attempted to enter into an enforceable agreement whereby the mother waived her rights to future child support from the father in exchange for the father waiving his future rights to visit with the children. The Illinois Supreme Court held that the agreement was not an enforceable waiver between the parents since the parents were attempting to “bargain away their children’s interest.” Blisset, 123 Ill.2d at 168, 526 N.E.2d

The Blisset parents seem to have formed an agreement to bargain each other away. Dad essentially disappears from the lives of his children (and Mom), in exchange for Mom giving up her claim to financial support of the children. This is a very negative arrangement on many levels, and it’s not surprising the Court determined that an agreement like this is not consistent with Illinois’ best interest standard and public policy.
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One piece of advice from this news package was particularly good, among a lot of good information… the benefit of a job. Not only can a new job provide much needed new income to the new family system, but the social and emotional benefits of a well selected job can really help women mainstream back into the world (assuming they may have been homemakers previously), and provide new social contacts that help one navigate the emotional ups and downs of a new life.

One of my clients, who had not worked for many years, took a job with Crate & Barrel and found the experience very positive. The job was something of a stepping stone, but I believe it helped her adjust to her new life, and put some additional dollars into the family budget. She worked while her children were in school. The kids came home to a happier Mom, and Mom made some social contacts that helped her in her new life. Bravo to her!

The Law Offices of Michael F. Roe practices collaborative law, and our collablaw divorce clients have saved time, stress, and money. Sounds appealing, doesn’t it? How does a collabortative divorce work?

First, both spouses meet with their respective collaborative attorneys to discuss individual needs and concerns. Then, the couple and their attorneys meet in four-way sessions to reach a settlement without involving the court. Every issue – including property division, custody, and support – is put “on the table” in these sessions. Divorcing parties benefit from the skills, advice, and support of attorneys while striving to work things out in a positive, future-focused manner.

When a settlement is reached, we file the appropriate paperwork required by the court. The parties then reconvene for one final court date: the “prove up,” when the judgment and the agreements are presented to the judge for approval.

Child custody and guardianship are legal terms which are sometimes used to describe the legal and practical relationship between a parent and his or her child, such as the right of the parent to make decisions for the child, and the parent’s duty to care for the child.

Residence and contact issues typically arise in proceedings involving divorce (dissolution of marriage), annulment and other legal proceedings where children may be involved. In most jurisdictions the issue of which parent the child will reside with is determined in accordance with the best interests of the child standard.
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The Associated Press reports on an interesting case arising in Cook County. The divorced parties apparently have a Joint Parenting Agreement, providing for the parents to consult with each other over the major decisions in the child’s developmental life. Mom, in this case, wanted to have the 9 year old boy circumcised. Dad objected, and filed a petition in court to enjoin, or block, the procedure. The case is about the circumcision, but it also stands for the principle that a well drafted joint custody agreement has some teeth to it, that is, if the non-residential parent has some “say so” in the developmental life of the child, he must be more than a “consultant.” In this case, Dad didn’t want the boy to undergo the procedure involuntarily. I also understand that the boy himself did not want to be circumcised.

——AP——A judge has sided with a divorced father who did not want his 9-year-old son circumcised, in a case that has drawn attention from groups opposed to the surgical procedure.

Cook County Circuit Judge Jordan Kaplan’s ruling, issued Tuesday, said the boy can decide for himself about circumcision when he turns 18. Until then, there will be no circumcision, a surgery that removes the foreskin of the penis.

The Associated Press is not naming the parents to protect the child’s privacy. The father was born and raised in Poland; The mother is from Slovakia. Both now live in suburban Chicago.

A 2003 divorce decree gave the boy’s father the right to offer advice on medical decisions.

The father opposed circumcision because he believed it could cause his son long-term physical and psychological harm. The child’s mother wanted the procedure done to prevent recurring infections.

When the two could not resolve their dispute, the father sued to block the circumcision.
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