Articles Posted in Child Custody

I found a most interesting blog this morning, by Sophia van Buren, that discusses her role as a non-custodial parent. In her view, being the non-custodial parent and a mother has created issues and challenges that many women in divorce do not encounter. Part of what she comments on is the stigma associated with being designated the non-residential parent. Here in Illinois, the stigma is worse, as parents who do not have “primary residential custody” are awarded “visitation.” In Illinois, some parents, usually the Dads, become “visitors” of their own children; a tragedy.

Ms. van Buren discusses why she became the non-residential parent:

Not only was it up to me to “fix” and clean up the mess my ex had made of our family, home, and finances, but I couldn’t let my personal feelings get in the way. There was too much work to be done. My husband could not be counted on for help. His tremendous indiscretions at work had lost him his job and there was no indication as to whether or not he would ever be able to the take care of our family again financially. Common sense told me that, since he couldn’t do it, I would have to. As the mother, it was up to me to put my feelings aside and simply make sure I could feed, shelter, clothe, protect, and insure our children.

I receive calls from parents contemplating divorce in Kane County and DuPage County about joint custody in Illinois. Many good parents tell me that “I just want joint custody,” though many times I feel that people do not understand what joint custody means in Illinois.

In general, Illinois Joint Custody means that the parents agree to make major decisions regarding the child or children together, such decisions as schooling, medical care, and religious practices. In Illinois, the concept of statutory joint custody does not address, at all, the idea that the parents will share the parenting time with the children.

As I have written before, Illinois still has an archaic, and in my view, unfair approach to custody. Unlike other states that have adopted “presumptive shared parenting,” Illinois still requires that the Court determine a “residential parent” and a parent that has “visitation.” Most often, Mom becomes the residential parent, and Dad is relegated to the status of a “visitor” of his own children. Illinois still allows for the stress, financial hardship, and animosity that is engendered by forcing good parents to contest each other for the role of “primary residential parent.”

There are a number of states that have adopted presumptive joint custody, or in other words, these states presume in a divorce that absent other evidence, the court should find that joint legal and shared physical custody is in the child’s best interest. Illinois is not one of these states, unfortunately. Recently, the Illinois Legislature’s appointed Family Law Committee has been exploring a number of changes to Illinois’ Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act. Is presumptive joint physical custody coming to Illinois? Is Illinois emerging from the Dark Ages of custody law? It does not look like it.

The word from colleagues is that the adoption of presumptive joint custody in Illinois is not going to occur. The reasons for this failure are not due to the efforts of many good lawyers to seek progressive changes to Illinois law. There are some lawyers, however, for whom positive change for families and children is not a good thing. Unfortunately, progressive changes do not look like they are on the horizon in Illinois.

I have consistently advocated for joint legal and physical custody. Of course, there are exceptions; for example, I just completed a trial where my client was properly awarded sole legal and primary physical custody. Yet, as a general proposition, good, competent, loving parents, both Mother and Father, should share the parenting of their children after divorce. The psychological studies reveal that presumptive joint custody is in the best interest of the children and the parents.

I have written previously about joint custody, and what this term means in the context of Illinois custody litigation. If one thing is clear, it is certain that many lawyers, parents, and even some judges do not have a clear view of what Illinois Joint Custody entails.

Put simply, joint custody awards require the parents to make major decisions about the children together. In the event of a dispute, a means for solving the dispute is implemented. And, the joint custody order should call for periodic review, so that as the children age, their needs can be met with flexible mutually agreed changes, such as parenting schedule changes.

One aspect of joint custody that I feel is not often considered is the requirement that joint custody be ordered when a risk of alienation of the non-custodial parent is a risk. Some judges feel, following In re Marriage of Marcello, that they cannot order joint custody if the parents do not get along, and there is a breakdown of communication. What I have observed in many cases is that the primary caregiver parent, who many times may be the temporary custodial parent, simply becomes difficult, argumentative, or at worst, alienating, with the hope that the non-custodial parent is cut out of the decision making for the children.

Taking Daughter To Church May Violate Court Order Dad Says Half-Jewish Child Should Be Exposed To Christianity, Too by Chicago Tribune Reporter Mike Puccinell at http://bit.ly/8CLYdi

A compelling story about a Father and his child has appeared in Illinois media this week. The story concerns a Christian Dad who is in a high conflict divorce and custody case with his Jewish wife.

“I have been ordered by a judge not to expose my daughter to anything non-Judaism,” Joseph Reyes said. “But I am taking her to hear the teachings of perhaps the most prominent Jewish Rabbi in the history of this great planet of ours. I can’t think of anything more Jewish than that.”

By BRADLEY BROOKS, Associated Press Writer Bradley Brooks, Associated Press

RIO DE JANEIRO – A New Jersey father has his hopes pinned on Brazil’s chief justice, praying he will regain custody of his son after a five-year court battle in time to spend the holidays with the boy – in the United States.

David Goldman also said he would allow 9-year-old Sean’s Brazilian relatives to visit with his son if he wins the case.

Michael Doherty of the Children’s Rights Council of Illinois was kind enough to write me this weekend to say that his members have been following Illinois Divorce Law Blog. Here is an excellent article about shared parenting in which the Children’s Rights Council was quoted:

Sharing Custody By: Sarah Rupp http://www.crisp-india.org/articles/147.html

“Do what’s best for the kids.”

I spoke with one of the committee leaders from the Illinois Legislature’s Family Law Committee today on the progress being made to reform Illinois’ antiquated custody and support statutes.

I have been writing for years on the need for Illinois to join the 21st century, and revise its Dissolution of Marriage Act to reflect statutes that exist in other states that create, for example, a presumption of joint legal and physical custody.

A legal presumption of joint custody acts to establish both parents as presumptively fit to share the parenting of their children. Presently in Illinois, mothers and fathers fight over who will “win” the custody of the child(ren). States that have enacted presumptive joint custody take the fight out of these cases. These states, of course, leave open the possibility that one parent may challenge the fitness of the other to have shared custody, but at the every least, unlike Illinois, these states do not presume that one parent is to be a winner, and the other a loser, in the custody war.

I was involved in a child custody matter recently that was becoming difficult to settle, for a number of reasons. I represented the Dad in the case. One of the reasons for the impasse was the wife’s refusal to consider joint custody. I had prepared a detailed Joint Parenting Agreement that was a healthy and proper plan for the parents and the children of the marriage, It was rejected.

Here’s what occurred. Shortly before trial, I took the wife’s deposition. In the deposition, I began to inquire as to her reasons for refusing a joint parenting agreement, pointing out to her examples as to how she and my client had communicated and worked together on recent medical and school issues involving the children.

What developed in the deposition was an appreciation that she had never accurately understood what joint custody in Illinois meant. She told me that she refused to share the time 50/50 with the children with her then-husband, but she offered that she was completely OK with making him a part of every decision in the children’s lives She affirmed that he is a good dad, and should be equally involved in the major decisions.

Illinois attorneys and the Illinois legislature are now studying changes to Illinois’ Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act. One of the goals of the review is to, perhaps, bring Illinois into the 21st Century by reforming the way we resolve custody issues, as well as revising the language of custody. What changes would you like to see in our Illinois dissolution and custody statutes?

I’d certainly like to see the concept of “custody” relegated to the dustbin of history. Mom and Dad are parents…why not enact legislation that defines parenting as a shared relationship? Isn’t it almost always true that the non-custodial parent hates to have what is called “visitation?” When does a parent become a visitor? How many custody wars have been fought over who would be relegated to “visitor” status?

Minnesota attorney and mediator Molly Millet discusses below changes that Minnesota made in 2007: “The biggest change in Minnesota that has been helpful is the perception of “custody.” Before, parents would fight over the custody label – who got custody and how that related to child support. Now, it’s “parenting time.” Now, parents are focusing on time with their kids, rather than a legal label.It also takes both spouses’ incomes into account. If you earn twice as much, you will pay more. It didn’t make any sense before. Let’s say Mom worked and Dad lost his job. He was paying child support, and the calculation didn’t in any way take into account Mom had always earned more than Dad. Also before, expenses were split 50-50 regardless of who made what income. Now, in most cases, it’s split proportionally.”