Illinois Divorce Lawyer Blog

After years of abuse I often wondered why she put up with it. I saw and
heard alot of things. I was also old enough to remember alot of it. To
my brothers I was the best big sister. When they where scared I
reassured them. When they where happy I smiled. I took alot of heat to keep
that promise of a sister to them. They where the happiest part of my
childhood. My mom after many years finally got the guts to leave. He
tricked her and said she would get us and he would leave. But it was all a
lie. I cant stress enough my mom never LEFT us. But we where led to
believe this.

I would watch this strong man fall to the ground in tears so I could
hold him to tell him everything would be ok. I started getting angry with
my mom. Little by little I heard when I was little my mom was a
prositute, she cheated on him, she left all of us, if she gets you I ll never
see you again. Ill kill myself was his all time favorite. I could go
on and on about all the things I heard about my mom. I all of a sudden
started to feel loved. I was the daughter he needed me to be. I was the
new caretaker in the family. He needed me. I started to hate my mother.
I never noticed I was being BRAINWASHED. Why is she hurting daddy?
where my thoughts. I was lost, confused, torn. I felt wanted and unwanted
all the same time. I was becoming his therapist being told things a
daughter should’nt probably hear. My mind was racing with thoughts. Keep
in mind I was old enough to remember all the things that happened
before the split. Even with all this memory I choose him. He would set me
up to get info on my mom when we visted her steal notes listen to phone
conversations anything that he could get on her. Even when he said they
should talk she would come over and he would without her knowledge
tape the coversations. This situation was not normal. He wasnt normal. But
I saw it all and still I choose him. The game parents play with the
what did mom/dad say about me is emotinally crippling to a child. we feel
torn in your web of manipulation. Stop!! As a parent its your job to
care for us. We trust you because you are the parent. Its a PRIVLAGE. I
got to a point that I felt like I was going crazy but I hated my mom
his plan was working and in full force. We where emotinally kidnapped
from her. Thats what PAS is. The only way for me to describe it is we are
pieces on a chess board the parent keeps moving us pawns but we will
never hear the words “checkmate” because we dont know we are playing
this game. He is mad that my mom wasnt coming back so we where the
revenge. Most parents love their children so whats the perfect punishment
for this us the children to be with held. Espically when they made the
mistakes in the marriage to begin with.

I became one with his mind, his emotions until I finally thought what
he thought. I felt what he felt I hated like he hated. I think this is
confusing to other parent but we are now robots there is so much
involved with this. Its a skill I tell ya. I eventually all of a sudden was
getting material things that I never got before I was allowed to go
places and do things I was never allowed to do before. This is all part of
the plot. To a child getting all these things is great. But it serves a
couple of purposes 1. I can do these things
that the other parent cant. 2. Your mom always didnt want you to have
it
3. To keep you off track of whats going. This does happen dont be
fooled more often than you think. I fell into this. It all part of mind
control.

This is ultimate betrayal to the child and we are so warped in the mind
we dont know it. It carries into adult hood it lingers like a dark
cloud. It crushes the internal spirit of childhood with hate and enraged
anger toward the victim parent. Its a punishment we dont deserve but we
live. He made me believe he was the victim. He was wounded. Its all
about him. he transformed my life there is much more to this story. As
anadult I carry this weight. I eventually was thrown to the curb by him
when I guess I was no longer needed. But for many years until recently
his words come to mind and I think was he right knowing full well that my
mother is none of the beastly things he had me believe. I became an
angry person with walls so built up around id never let anyone in. I
would not be vulnerable to be hurt. My moms and I relationship has been
rocky and has needed alot of work but now shes my best friend, supporter,
hero, and most important loving mother. I carried a burden of a broken
marriage of hatred to another person it has formed me to be who Iam
today finally letting go some of the pieces trying to fiqure out who i am
without hurt.
If you are able to make contact with your child take it slow dont rush
even when your heart says now. They have walls they where trained that
way. They have anger they where trained that way. they where in hatred
boot camp for many years. If you push to hard they will get defensive
and you’ll start from scratch if ever. They as much as they say NO
they want you they want to know they are loved it sounds sick but its in
there somewhere. but DONT PUSH. They are controled by a force thats
webbed around them they just dont know it. They are hurt crushed lost and
tramatised. They might say awful things to you I did to my mom. Things
that will break your heart and they know it will buts the anger the
brainwashing the robot inside of them. I asked myself even when my
relationship seemed good was he right. The mental thoughts are scars but scars
heal. It takes time. There is hope it might takes days months even
years but what comes around goes around. I have loosened my grip on the
hold this man has on my life. At times I still feel abused by him
espically since I dont have my brothes. I love my mother and Im grateful to
have the relationship I have with her. She has a heart of gold and never
desirved any of this all she did was say enough and for this shes payed
the highest cost. The thing she cherishes the most was taken from her
motherhood. My brothers are still locked into this betrayal i havent
seen them in 17 years. I miss them and love them. My mother has not seem
them either. I once was the alienator now Im the alienatee. It hurts. I
did nothing wrong neither did my mother.. Its also not your childs
fault they are the true victims of all of this. Please pray that my
brothers will find their way home to the place where they are missed and
loved…..

Remember PAS is child abuse. You have read just a glimpse of my heart
if you have any ?s let me know. This includes parents that want to know
about a child point of you. A person that has been the victim achild or
adult that needs to talk your not alone I feel your pain. Everyone. If
you are reading this and you are the person causing PAS to a family
please read and reread its never to late to turn things around because
later you might be the one standing alone. Its hurting the kids more than
the victim parent.