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Experienced divorce practitioners have come to develop ideas about certain issues or triggers that can cause the contested divorce process to spiral into chaos or high costs. I have my own ideas about these triggers, one of them involving the parties believing that more negative conflict and more “bomb throwing” leads to better results. “Pit bull” reckless behavior by litigants or lawyers only raises costs, elevates stress, and usually results in the judge developing a chip on her shoulder against the litigant. The art of divorce is much like the Art of War…employing experience, creativity, and sophisticated strategy is the pathway to good results. That’s my opinion, and now let’s hear from another lawyer’s perspective:

By Diana Mercer

” When I have friends who are getting divorced, and they ask me for advice, here’s what I tell them. The real deal, the confidential, back-channel skinny. Beyond legal advice, which they can get anywhere.

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A Father posted this photo from his Son. If anyone wonders why Illinois needs statutory presumptive shared parenting, or why competent and loving Fathers are necessary to the daily lives of their children, this picture tells a thousand words:

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Tips to co-parenting after divorce

Byline: Our Family Wizard Software

After a divorce, the idea of communicating with an ex may seem near to impossible. While dealing with that person is the last thing you feel like doing, trying to build an amicable relationship with that person is the best thing you can do for your children. Here are a few helpful tips to co-parenting after divorce:

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byline: Dr. Jeff Gardere:


Divorce can be one of the most stressful events in life, second only to a spouse dying. In fact, a divorce can become such a complicated and nasty affair that many people have joked that a spouse dying is a less stressful event because at least you don’t have to fight the deceased in court!

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The point to be made here is that during this time of stress and duress we are no longer thinking with our brains, but instead with our hearts. Normally a pure heart will win the day, but a heart which is ruled by the pain, sadness and anger of a divorce will exhibit pure emotion — often in an illogical and dangerous fashion.

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Sydney Morehouse, 13, of Omaha cries in Lincoln, Neb., Wednesday, Feb. 6, 2013, as she tells the Associated Press how hard it is to only get to see her father every other weekend and Wednesday nights following her parent’s divorce.

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Omaha resident Gary Owens pounded the table and raised his voice Wednesday as he testified before Nebraska lawmakers, demanding they pass two bills that could allow him to spend more time with his son.

A coalition of fathers, doctors and family-law attorneys is asking lawmakers to change a Nebraska parental custody law that they view as unfair to men.

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Post holiday stresses can lead to divorces being initiated in the New Year. Unfortunately, for many couples that means planning separate lives. Lawyers even refer to the first working day in January as “Divorce Day” because so many people begin legal proceedings to end their marriages at this time, but ministers are urging couples to seek an alternative to “traumatic”, drawn-out and costly courtroom battles.

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They want bickering husbands and wives to consider using third-party mediators. Opting for the mediation route takes a quarter of the time that going through the divorce courts does and can be eight times cheaper, according to the Ministry of Justice.

“All too often money is wasted on expensive and traumatic court hearings that can take far too long to resolve,” said Lord McNally, the family justice minister. “And that is why we want to help people to use mediation, a quicker and simpler approach which brings better outcomes.”

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Childrensrightscouncil Illinois In fact, according to university researcher Dr. Emily Douglas, in “Mending Broken Families: social policies for divorced families”, the overwhelming majority of divorcing fathers have wanted at least equal parenting time with their children, or sole custody — and this has been consistent since the first surveys were undertaken in the early 1960s. Additionally, research by esteemed clinical psychologists like Dr. Joan B Kelly and others have substantiated that the persistence of Every Other Weekend “de-parenting” or “a-parent-dectomies” , applied almost entirely only to fathers, has resulted in children becoming emotionally detached, as ‘their fathers were turned into uncles’. In fact, it was partially due to the research of people like Dr. Kelly, that a direct link was established between the 30% detachment rate between divorced dads and their children, and the Every Other Weekend ‘visitation’ schedules.

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Parental Alienation – A Corrosive Legacy By Judge Michele Lowrance

I have been a judge on the divorce bench for 16 years, and have watched the wreckage of the corrosive legacy of parental alienation and visitation interference play out over decades. We have no statistics for measuring this group, because the victims are too vast. But the concentric circles include the children, their children and the extended family as well. The declaration of war by one parent on another creates radioactive fallout, which contaminates for generations.

The alienating parent treats the target parent like a disease in the child that must be removed. They make the child’s survival contingent upon such removal. So the child must extricate the parent without the privilege of grieving the loss. These are crippling circumstances.

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