Excerpted from the Huffington Post from an Article by HP writer Nancy Fagan (The Divorce Reporter) on attachments that continue after divorce. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nancy-fagan/cut-the-marital-cord-alre_b_1018650.html
Michael Roe’s comments immediately below:
Nancy, a very interesting and legally sound article. Illinois has been a part of a trend toward requiring judges to do all that they can to terminate the connections with former spouses, once they are divorced. However, as there is also an expressed trend toward joint and shared parenting and permanent maintenance (also known as alimony), in reality, the cord does not get completely severed in divorce. In Illinois, divorced parties of long term marriages are bound to each other through their duty to co-parent and through years of maintenance and support payments.
Having said the above, your excellent article highlights and important aspect and boundary issue. Divorce is also an emotional and psychological transition. Individuals that maintain codependent ties, or, as you note in your example, maintain a sexual relationship even while “moving on” with others, cultivate a very unhealthy post decree environment. Couples that use their children as a platform for retribution in the years after divorce also contribute to the unhealthy development of their children.
So, as states like Illinois trend toward keeping certain attachments between the parties in place, your article does a very good job of offering the idea that the severing of the connection must start as an emotional and psychological one. Your recomendation for counseling and therapy is very appropriate.
“Hi Mr. Roe,
Thank you for the nice things you wrote. One of the biggest challenges in writing to a large audience is hoping people are able to open their minds to the message being conveyed. Sometimes people have hurt and pain (past &/or present) that alters their perspective which causes them to react negatively to what they read. I’m sure you encounter this with the population you write for in your blog. If you have any suggestions on how to lessen a reader’s reactivity about divorce issues, I’d love to know.
Nancy Fagan, The Divorce Reporter www.TheDivorceHelpClinic.com”