Here’s a post from a perusal off of social media and high conflict divorce. This exchange may resonate with a lot of people:
I need help. I have been married for 13 years. We have two wonderful sons. My husband had an affair that ended about 5 years ago. The affair hurt but…he also emotionally and physically did things to me during his affair and that hurt even more. After it ended, he did apologize to me. But, he almost never showed me love or attention. And he had lied about so many different things to me.
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I am currently trying to get help for that. And I just started to take Lexapro for my anxiety and depression.
So, currently my husband thinks I have cheated and that I have drugged him. He says that I have every sign of an affair. But, I keep explaining what happened to me and he won’t listen. Now he wants to leave me. And I don’t know what to do. I love him and I want to work on our marriage. I want our family. I also feel like I couldn’t live without him, in other ways, like work, he has helped me out a lot. What should I do?
Response from Jodie:
Read up on narcissists. The cheating, high sex drive, blaming you… classic symptoms. Believe me, it’s not you. Very similar situation. except I did NOT love him. He threatened to kill me if I ever left. So I hung in there for almost 20 years. daughters reached age 17 & 15 and I finally got away. But he scorched the earth and made sure I walked away with nothing. nothing. It cost him $100k in lawyers to make sure. So, my suggestion to you is to protect your rights. If you are hanging in there, expect more of his crap. If you go to marriage counseling – which sounds needed, trust me he will be expecting the therapist to “fix” you. so what if you have some anxiety issues. that does not make you a lesser person. keep friends and family in your circle so you will have support when he does more smoke and mirrors on you. And FYI, I’m VERY HAPPY NOW. Divorce finalized last month and I’m with my high school boyfriend and we are getting married next year. I have a new life and can smile and laugh and look forward to the future. Can you?