ILLINOIS DIVORCE LAW BLOG

No one wishes to spend a lot of money on their divorce. This statement has always been true for most families, and it’s even more true today as Illinois families struggle with houses “under water,” and employment opportunities lessened by the economic collapse. One good way for litigants to avoid spending a lot of money on their divorce is to make a sincere effort to avoid contested court litigation and a final trial on the divorce issues. Trials, as you might imagine, take a lot of attorney preparation time and actual court time. Trials are expensive.

To avoid trial the effort must be made to negotiate a settlement. Reaching settlement is desirable, but many people find that when they are dealing with issues of custody, spousal support, and division of property, that reaching settlements is difficult.

Through many years of experience as a trial lawyer, I have developed some key points for success through negotiating settlements. Here are a few:

CNN is running a story today that discusses the use by a litigant of a “sex tape.” The tape itself seems to be of the husband and the wife, and the anchor of the news program is taking calls to poll the audience as to how far the gloves need to come off, when a husband and wife are divorcing. One of the spouses wishes to use the private sex tape as “ammunition” in the divorce.

Part of my practice is aggressive litigation, and the other part collaborative practice and negotiated settlements. I am a trial lawyer, and have been since the first days I was a lawyer, in the 1980’s. I am always comfortable employing any evidence that I feel will benefit my client’s reasoned goals in a case.

Is having a sex tape useful? My guess is that, in most cases, it is not. Illinois does not assess the conduct of the parties in dividing assets and liabilities. Sexual behaviors of a parent may or may not be a factor with respect to a custody issue in the case. Certainly, a sex tape made by the parents, expected to be held private, likely makes the ‘leaker’ of the tape look bad. Revenge is a dish best served cold, as the adage goes, but revenge really has no place in a divorce case, unless as a litigant you wish to have more stress, acrimony, and spend more money on legal fees. No one wants that.

The end of the calendar year brings the holidays into view, and for newly separated and divorced parents, the arrival of the holidays brings anxiety, not cheer. This is all the more true for parents who will not be seeing their children on the traditional holidays. What approach can a newly divorced parent take now that the holidays are here? A few suggestions:

1. Try to see the changes in your life as opportunities, rather than challenges. I’ve suggested to clients through the years to buy the December issue of “Chicago Magazine” and find activities to do alone, if necessary, and new holiday activities that can be shared with the children. Visit one of the hotels in Chicago to see the holiday displays…do something, anything, that is new and different. The key is to let go of how the holidays used to be in the marriage and to create new adventures…for yourself and the children.

2. Establish new traditions, rather than lamenting the loss of old traditions. Instead of being sad that the children weren’t with you to pick out the holiday tree, take a day that you do have the children, and ride the train into Chicago to visit the Daley Center’s German Christmas Market. Buy an ornament that the children select from one of the Market’s vendors, and take it home and place it on the tree.