Articles Posted in Divorce Coaching

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Understanding Dissipation of Marital Assets in an Illinois Divorce: In Illinois divorce cases, the concept of dissipation of marital assets can significantly impact the division of property.
            Dissipation refers to one spouse’s wasteful or improper use of marital assets for purposes unrelated to the marriage, often to the detriment of the other spouse. Understanding this concept is crucial for ensuring a fair division of property during divorce proceedings. Under Illinois law, specifically the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, marital assets are divided equitably, not necessarily equally.
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           Dissipation occurs when one spouse uses marital funds or property for uniquely personal benefit, unrelated to marital purposes, typically after the marriage has begun to break down irretrievably. Common examples include extravagant spending on items that are exclusive to the purchasing spouse (such as an expensive watch), gambling, funding an affair (travel, dinners, jewelry for a paramour), or transferring assets to hide them from the other spouse. For instance, if one spouse uses marital savings for lavish vacations or gifts to a third party after the marriage   deteriorates, this could be considered dissipation. 
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Why High-Conflict Divorces with a Narcissist Are So Difficult
Divorcing a narcissist is uniquely challenging, often escalating into high-conflict scenarios that drain emotional, financial, and mental resources. Narcissistic personality traits (NPD)—such as grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy—create a perfect storm of obstacles that make these divorces particularly difficult.
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Understanding why these situations are so difficult requires examining the narcissist’s behavior, their impact on the legal process, and the emotional toll on the other spouse. First, narcissists thrive on control and validation, which makes them resistant to compromise. In a divorce, where negotiation and cooperation are often necessary, a narcissist may view any concession as a personal defeat. They may prolong disputes over assets, custody, or minor details to maintain control or punish their spouse.
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Parental alienation is often described in terms of three levels or degrees, which reflect the severity of the alienating behaviors and their impact on the child’s relationship with the targeted parent. These levels were notably outlined by  experts like Dr. Amy J. L. Baker. Here’s a breakdown:
  1. Mild Parental Alienation
    • Description: The child exhibits mild resistance or reluctance to spend time with the targeted parent but still maintains a relationship. The alienating parent may subtly undermine the other parent through occasional negative comments, scheduling conflicts, or mild interference.
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A parent seeking resources about divorce and searching for the right lawyer, is involved in a process that is stressful. It’s important to appreciate that an experienced Family Lawyer (such as our firm) along with other resources can make the process manageable and not unduly stressful for the parents or the kids.
Why Divorce with Children in Kane County or DuPage County Can Be Difficult
  1. Emotional Challenges:
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Michael Roe has for many years focused a significant part of his practice on Child Custody issues, including Parental Alienation cases. Few lawyers nationally have the background, experience, and dedication to this critical issue in Family Law.  As a long term member of PASG, our firm already looks forward to the PASG meeting this year, with details below.
One Definition of Parental Alienation:
Parental alienation refers to a situation in which one parent intentionally or unintentionally manipulates a child to reject, fear, or distance themselves from the other parent without legitimate justification. This behavior often involves actions such as badmouthing the other parent, limiting contact, making false allegations, or coaching the child to adopt negative views about the targeted parent. In Illinois, parental alienation is considered a form of emotional abuse because it harms the child’s psychological well-being and undermines the child’s relationship with both parents. Illinois courts prioritize the best interests of the child in custody and parenting time decisions, and evidence of parental alienation can significantly influence these outcomes.
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Ilyssa Panitz freely admits she gave up the financial reins when she got married.

“I did not keep an eye on the money, even though I got married later in life,” says Panitz, 54, who lives in Westchester County, N.Y. “My former spouse worked in accounting and I was taking care of the kids, and I figured ‘This is great’.”

Then, after 13 years of marriage, says Panitz, who hosts the nationally syndicated radio show, “The Divorce Hour with Illyssa Panitz,” she told her husband she wanted to split up. And she realized her ignorance about their money situation “was my biggest mistake and biggest downfall. I had the rug pulled out from under me.”

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In Illinois, divorcing parties fill out a Financial Affidavit statewide form to provide a clear and comprehensive snapshot of their financial situation during the divorce process. This form is a standardized document that helps promote transparency and fairness when it comes to dividing assets, determining spousal support (alimony), and, if applicable, calculating child support. Illinois law imposes legal duties on parties to complete the form truthfully and to make full disclosures of income, expenses assets and liabilities.  
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The affidavit requires each party to disclose details about their income, expenses, debts, and assets. This information is crucial because Illinois follows an “equitable distribution” approach to dividing marital property, meaning assets and debts are split in a way that’s deemed fair, though not necessarily equal. The financial affidavit gives the court—and the attorneys involved—a factual basis to make informed decisions about what’s equitable based on each spouse’s financial circumstances.
It’s also tied to Illinois law, specifically the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, which mandates full financial disclosure to prevent either party from hiding assets or income. Without this form, it’d be harder to verify claims about financial need or ability to pay support, which could drag out the process or lead to unfair outcomes.
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Confusion still reigns with respect to the tax treatment of spousal maintenance for Illinois divorce cases. I still see other law firms discussing online spousal maintenance (support) using the old rules.

In Illinois, spousal maintenance (also known in other states as alimony) is generally not tax-deductible for the payor nor taxable income for the recipient. This change came into effect due to the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA) of 2017, which significantly altered the tax treatment of spousal support (maintenance)  nationwide.

Under the TCJA, for divorce or separation agreements executed after December 31, 2018, maintenance payments are no longer deductible by the person paying the maintenance and are not considered taxable income for the person receiving it. This change applies to federal taxes and, in most states including Illinois, state taxes follow federal guidelines on this matter.

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Introducing children to a new romantic partner, or “paramour,” during or after a divorce is a delicate matter that should be approached with careful consideration and sensitivity to the children’s needs and emotions. Here are some factors to consider when determining the appropriate timing for such introductions:

  1. Stability and Adjustment: It’s generally recommended to wait until the divorce process has reached a point where the children have had time to adjust to the changes in their family dynamics and establish a sense of stability. Rushing into introductions too soon can add additional stress and emotional harm for children still grappling with the divorce.
  2. Seriousness of the Relationship: Introducing children to a new partner should be reserved for relationships that are serious and highly likely to endure. Children can be deeply harmed  by the comings and goings of romantic partners, so it’s important to be very mindful about the emotional impact of introducing them to someone who may not turn out to be a long-term presence in their lives.
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My practice has managed successfully cases dealing with NPD traits for many years. People with toxic narcissistic traits can cause a lot of harm and damage in a marriage and with children. In a divorce, people with toxic narcissistic traits can continue their self-centered toxicity, blaming, gaslighting, and other harmful behaviors. Narcissists can present significant challenges in a marriage, as well as a divorce, due to their characteristic traits which often include:

  1. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists typically have difficulty understanding or empathizing with their partner’s feelings and perspectives. This can lead to emotionally abusive behaviors.
  2. Self-Centeredness: Narcissists tend to prioritize their own needs, desires, and achievements above those of their partner and children. This self-centeredness can lead to a one-sided relationship dynamic where the narcissist’s needs are consistently prioritized over their spouse’s, sometimes to the point of abuse.
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