March 14, 2012

Borderline Personality Disorder

New Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall discusses his diagnosis of and treatment for Borderline Personality Disorder:

Much of my work in divorce and custody litigation, along with some research and writing that I have done, has focused on divorce cases with a personality disorder involved. BPD and NPD present in a number of high conflict custody cases, and the tendency of people with BPD and NPD to act out, rage, blame others, and even target their spouse in divorce with false allegations is common.

As Mr. Marshall describes, BPD is treatable, yet very few have the ability or resource to seek treatment, and BP's are notorious for refusing treatment, even while their marriage and family is breaking down.

I congratulate Brandon Marshall for his brave and thoughtful statements today about his condition and hope that his comments educate and inspire others. If you have a family concern where you feel a personality disorder may be involved, or if there is abuse in your home affecting you and your children that is not apparent to the outside world, please contact my office for an immediate initial consultation.

March 11, 2012

Kane County Divorce Lawyer: Top 10 Reasons

Mindy Smith wrote an interesting article in the Huffington Post last year on the "Ten Signs Your Marriage is Headed for Divorce." I may not agree completely with her Top 10 List, but I include it for interesting reading. She listed the following:

RED FLAG #10: If your spouse is facebooking with his or her high school sweetheart on a daily basis, you may be heading for a divorce.

RED FLAG #9: If you spouse has gained more than 20% of his or her body weight, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #8: If you spouse is donning sexy new underwear all of a sudden, you may be headed for divorce. I

RED FLAG #7: If your spouse lies around all day and yet house needs cleaning, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #6: If your spouse is secretive with his or her cell phone, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #5: If your spouse makes you write down everything you spend money on, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #4: If your spouse no longer wants to have sex with you, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #3: If your spouse spends more time on the tennis courts than spending time with you, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #2: If your spouse cruises singles bars after work, you may be headed for divorce.

RED FLAG #1: If your spouse wants you to swing with your neighbors, you ARE headed for divorce.

Michael Roe's comments: In my 20 plus years of experience in family law, I can say that within every family system, there are unique reasons for the failure of a marriage. Many of my cases involve unique causes, or a multitude of causes that may include psychological issues. It's hard to suggest that there really exists a "Top 10 List." In my work as a divorce and custody lawyer, I really make an effort to understand the unique factors that have created conflict in the marriage, and I take a focused family system approach to the custody issues. In my view, there is no one size fits all solution for a family in divorce. My approach is creative, while at the same time being tenacious and goal oriented for my clients. Whether the breakdown of your marriage was triggered by one of the above 10 reasons, or you have unique issues you'd like to discuss, please go to my Firm's contact page and contact me for an initial consultation.

March 4, 2012

DuPage County Divorce Attorney: Parent Alienation

With the recent publication of Jill Egizii and Judge Michele Lowrance's workbook "Parental Alienation 911," more attention is being focused in Illinois on parental alienation, it's pathology, and ways to address it.

The Honorable Judge Gomery of Canada once stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child. It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”

So, what are possible causes of Parental Alienation?

Intentions differ from one parent to the next, but psychologists have suggested the following as potential motivators:

An alienating parent may have unresolved anger toward the other parent for perceived wrongs during the relationship and may be unable to separate those issues from parenting issues.

An alienating parent may have unresolved issues from their childhood, particularly in how they related to their own parents, which he or she projects onto the other parent (whether or not it's factually accurate).

An alienating parent may have a personality disorder, such as narcissism or a borderline personality, which makes him or her unable to empathize with the child's feelings or see the way their behavior is harming the child. Such personality disorders may also make the alienating parent more likely to be jealous of the other parent's adjustment to the breakup and cause the alienating parent to have extreme rage toward the other parent.

An alienating parent may be so insecure as to his or her own parenting skills that he or she projects those concerns onto the other parent, regardless of reality.

An alienating parent may be so wrapped up in their child's life that he or she has no separate identity and sees the child's relationship with the other parent as a threat.