June 16, 2011

Father's Day: Reflections on Fathers and Parenting

Writer and Professor Michele Weldon writes today in the Chicago Tribune about her experiences with her devoted father, as well as her negative experiences with the father of her three children.

Why a father has more than rights; he has responsibility

By Michele Weldon

June 17, 2011

We don't celebrate Father's Day at our house. My three sons dread the advertising-soaked holiday the way many singles loathe Valentine's Day. It's not that they have lost their father to death, disease, military service, an act of God or misfortune of any stripe. It is that their father has chosen to lose them.

As it is for many fatherless families across the globe, this Sunday is a reminder that fatherhood should be more than a biological feat; it is a primal moral responsibility and one that many men regrettably fail to fulfill. http://www.littleurl.net/7f5335

I empathize with Prof. Weldon, and appreciate that she recognizes the thousands of fathers who love, mentor and raise their children well. I also can suggest that for many fathers, Father's Day is a difficult day, especially if Dad is a noncustodial Dad who sees his children far less often than he wishes.

A big part of my practice is representing parents in complex divorce and custody cases. I enjoy representing fathers who seek to have either the residential custody of their children, or who seek a full and shared parenting agreement.

While there are fathers who do not maintain their connection and investment in their children's lives, as Prof. Weldon discusses, there are many fathers who wish for, and fight for, more time with their children, and fight to have an equal and active parenting role in the post-divorce lives of their children.

It is these fathers that desire to have the fullest involvement possible in the lives of their children that I celebrate, and I am proud to represent any parent in a difficult divorce case that truly has the best interests of their children in mind, and wishes the fullest and most devoted parenting role possible.

To these Dads that put their hearts and souls into their parenting, we celebrate you, this Father's Day.

June 5, 2011

A Study: Nonresidental Fathers and Contact with their Children over Time

The article below appeared in a recent Huffington Post. The article explores a study investigating patterns of father-child contact following divorce. Left out of the study seems to be the inclusion of fathers who benefit from a shared parenting agreement, whereby father and mothers share the parenting of the children and agree to live reasonably proximate to each other. In my practice, shared parenting agreements are primary goals of my approach to managing custody cases for fathers. In other cases, I am seeking outright primary custody for my Dad clients. Good and devoted fathers must have the same rights as good mothers in divorce. The study below, however, adopts some stereotypes of nonresidential fathers , but the study itself is interesting and worth reporting here:

By: Robert Hughes, Jr., University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, Professor of Human Development

The general assumption about fathers following divorce is that they gradually have less and less contact with their children. Everyone seems to know some exceptions, but most generally think this is what happens. But what really is the case?

A recent study by Jacob Cheadle, Paul Amato and Valerie King published in Demography in 2010 suggests that the pattern of father involvement is more complicated and more interesting. Cheadle and his colleagues note that most scientific studies up to this time have confirmed the view of diminishing contact over time, but these researchers use a large longitudinal data set and more sophisticated data analysis methods to suggest that all fathers don't act alike.

Four patterns of father involvement emerge. The largest group of fathers (about 38%) consistently had high contact--roughly about once per week over the entire 14 year period. Children in this group were older, had better educated parents and these fathers were more likely to be paying child support. The next largest group (about 32%) were fathers who had contact only about once a year from the initial separation and continued to have little contact over the entire period. These fathers were more likely to have had children outside of marriage, were young and had less education. Importantly, many of these fathers lived more than 100 miles from their children within the first year following the separation.

The two other groups changed their pattern of involvement over time. Almost 23% of the fathers began with almost weekly contact, but by eight years post-separation were having contact only about once per year. Even by two years this group was only having contact every other month. Interestingly, these fathers were still likely to be making child support payments, but many also lived father away from their children due to a residential move (either themselves or their former partner). The final group representing 8 percent of the fathers increases their contact over time. They start at a few times per year and then increase until around 8 years when contact is almost weekly. This change in many cases appears to have resulted from the fathers living farther away the first years following separation, and then moving closer to their children. Both of these patterns suggest that geographic distance from children may be the biggest factor causing changes in the amount of contact with children.

These findings provide a much clearer picture about the patterns of contact by nonresidential fathers. There are clearly various patterns suggesting we should think about these fathers in more varied ways and begin to understand some of the factors that may cause more or less involvement. Those fathers who initially have little involvement may be the ones that need support in becoming more involved with their children.